Jobless and shopping

Had a weird day today. The sun was shining, the sky was a brilliant blue, I had a job interview at a major tech company, booked to go watch the play version of 1984 at a really cheap deal and had five hours to kill in town.

But purusing the shops I suddenly felt really down. What the hell am I doing with my life? Why the hell have I abandoned my friends and family? They’re the ones who make life worthwhile, not the city you’re in.

I honestly almost had a panic attack going down a shop escalator. I mean I don’t want to dramatise it but I also don’t want anyone to get the impression that I’m happy all the time and living in bliss!

The hardest part of moving overseas is the mental pressure. Booking flights etc is a piece of cake compared to the relentless questions your mind will ask itself.

‘Wouldn’t you be happier back doing what you were doing before? You’re an idiot!’

‘Do you really think you should have answered that question that way? You probably won’t get that job now and your life will go on a completely different tangent!’

Etc

Basically a lot of my friends are in and out of hospital so I feel guilty for times when I’m happy here and then I feel guilty when I’m sad!

I think it’s time to make myself useful and contribute to something bigger than myself.

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3 thoughts on “Jobless and shopping

  1. Hey congratulations. You’ve very quickly discovered one of the biggest benefits of an OE – a chance to let go of all your support systems and come face to face with who you are and what you really want from your life. Hang in there and allow yourself to think freely about all those things you’ve never really questioned before. Right now you don’t know where you’re going to end up but the best thing about that is that you might end up anywhere!
    Sending you a big hug.

  2. I’m really envious of your OE trip, the world is such a smaller place thanwhen I went.
    Six weeks on a ship, no more than a weeks wages in the pocket but enjoyed it just the sam
    I heard you have a job, cograts.
    Watching your travels with great interestGrandad

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