Lost

By Holly Roberts

The feeling when love fades
When the certainty you felt your whole life
Never comes
When you realise you’ve spent
The last 10 years
Collecting ex-boyfriends
When friendships are ruined
Soulmates are fake
Blind trust has no use
When friends console you
With the idea that
The men were just assholes anyway
And you doubt your own judgment

In your heart you still care for them
You always will
You’ve invested in these young men
Who have grown up and moved on

Dating was never a fun and frivolous game
I fell deeply for many men
The concept still confuses me
Soulmates one second
And strangers the next

Are we so desperate for love
We ruin it?
If we knew were just collecting exes
Would we still bother?

Films have ruined everything
It’s all so easy and beautiful
On screen

Now I am moving away
And I don’t want a partner here
Now I am attempting to orchestrate
The rocky love story that is my life

I feel like I’m discarding new people quickly
Churning through new men
This is why
I feel
Lost.

Come and find me
Take me back to that time
When I was in love
With the world
And the men in it.

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