Heartbreak – That Old Chestnut

Written 11 May 2013

Someday
Life gets closer
Thoughts become real
Plans get done or get lost
More plans are made
But everything changes
Change is a constant
Battle
I get numb
And all I want is to feel again
I feel again
And all I want is to be numb
I go after someone
Until I push them away
Is the only way to love people
To be alone
Pretend I don’t care
Shut myself off
And act like I’m ecstatic
“Everything about the world is wonderful”
I say.
Years go by.
I remember how I used to think.
Soulmates and dreams.
Everything laid bare.
An idealist who believed
Young love is love.
It is hard to rekindle
That view of life.
Years go by.
I put my heart in a case.
Each year layers get added.
A soft casing that doesn’t feel
The fall.
Years go by
It gets a harness
And it cannot fall.
It won’t fall in love
And it won’t fall hard from the pain.
You come along and try to make me
Feel again.
I tell you I’ll be ok
I’m happy-go-lucky right?
I’m too busy
To feel
To fall
To falter
Days go by.
I start to wonder
If I could unwrap my heart.
We play pass the parcel
And take off
The casing
Layer by layer
We open up
And you prove yourself
Your music speaks to me
I let myself feel it
Deeply
Too deeply
Am I falling for you?
“A little bit”
It’s too much
And that’s it.

“I can’t lead you on”
To love
Is to pretend to be ecstastic
Keep your heart wrapped up
Cosy and warm from the padding,
Layers of padding.
A harness
And a back up.
I do fall quickly
And I get up quickly.
But each year
I get stronger
More cynical
And layer by layer I lose my romantic
View of the world
What am I supposed to do?
How am I supposed to be?
Let go
And just be free.

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